$5 Tax on The Freakishly Tall

I came to the realization a few weeks ago that the newest item in my wardrobe is well over 2yrs old, and it was a gift. The t-shirt reads "Are you looking at my nuts?" and has a picture of two bolts underneath. After coming to this realization, I scanned my closet and started to take inventory of when I got each item of clothing in there. It was absolutely pathetic.

Some of the highlights:

• Only pair of tennis/running shoes: Purchased Summer 2000
• Only pair of hiking boots: Purchased Spring 1996
• Only pair of dress shoes: Handed down to me in 1997
• Newest T-Shirt purchased by yours-truly: Summer 2002
• Oldest T-Shirt still in regular circulation: Fall 1996
• Newest Sweater: Fall 2001
• Newest pair of work khakis: Summer 1998
• Newest pair of casual khakis: Spring 2002

As you can see, I'm not really an avid clothes shopper. But this time/item inventory made me realize I need some new threads. So I journeyed out into the wilderness, known to the feminine species as the "mall," looking for a few critical wardrobe items that needed to be updated.

Shopping has never been my style, mainly due to the fact that the industry has placed me in their freak category, and therefore make no attempt to have variations to match my frame. Apparently, the average consumer above 6'2" has a waistline of 36+, and shoulders of a linebacker. To get a t-shirt with normal length (proportional to one's body), I gotta get a large->x-large. The drawback here is that the shoulder seam falls somewhere low to mid-bicep, making me wish that I had taken those steroid in gym class early in life.

Eddie Bauer fortunately has a solution to this: Tall sizes. TADA! Congrats on that revelation. This being the case, I headed there for my first acquisition. Found something, tried it on, fit great, right length, went to check out and WAM!... $5 extra for tall sizes. Knowing a little about manufacturing and economics, I came to terms with it.

"$5 FOR BEING A FREAK?! What are people, sadists?!? Isn't it bad enough that everyone in the architechture business is out to break our foreheads? Car makers forcing us to buy big cars? Levi Strauss making us buy 38"W jeans when we wear a 32"? FIVE DOLLARS YOU SAY!?!?"

"Do you take credit?"